*Horrible Puns* Warning! proceed at your own risk! :)
*1.* The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
*2.* I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
*3.* She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
*4.* A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
*5.* No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
*6.* A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
*7.* A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
*8.* Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
*9.* A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
*10.* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
*11..* Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said tothe other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
*12.* I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
*13.* A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
*14.* The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran..
*15.* A backward poet writes inverse.
*16..* In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
*17.* If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
*18.* A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
*19.* Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
*20..* Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
*21..* Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says,'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
*22.* Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.