Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Very bad puns! (proceed at your own risk)... :)


DH laughing!

 *Horrible Puns*  Warning! proceed at your own risk! :)

    *1.* The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    *2.* I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    *3.* She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

    *4.* A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    *5.* No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    *6.* A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    *7.* A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    *8.* Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
    *9.* A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    *10.* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    *11..* Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said tothe other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

    *12.* I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    *13.* A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

    *14.* The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran..

    *15.* A backward poet writes inverse.

    *16..* In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    *17.* If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

    *18.* A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

*19.* Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

    *20..* Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.   Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    *21..* Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says,'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

    *22.* Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.